A Review of The Greater Ozarks Bastinado http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/Lobby/7407 > Our Mission, Should You Choose to Accept It... > by Thomas L. Knapp > The Greater Ozarks Bastinado is now in its third issue. Frankly, I'm worried. I assumed, when we embarked on this project, that it would generate a certain amount of interest among its target audience: the users of the publicly financed, text-only "Freenet" services in southwest Missouri. > So far, the response has not been encouraging. >In response to the marked lack of interest, especially among users of ORION and LLION, the editors of GOB have discussed and implemented several new features over the five months of this site's existence. We've inaugurated three automated mailing lists and an IRC channel. >We've solicited articles. We've registered with search engines. We've bitched, we've pleaded, we've done all the LibberToon things. All that remains is to put up a sign on the Information SuperHighway: Will Beg 4 Attention. Anything. (Maybe if you were to turn belly-up like a run-over armadillo I might see fit to stop, take a picture, laugh, then back up the 18-wheeler to make sure.) The people on Orion and probably LLION are the people who either do not have sufficient money to pay for a regular Internet Service Provider or have only a 286 computer with a DOS browser. They don't have much interest in picking up witless solipsistic masturbation from left-wing anarchy-fascists. If they did have a sufficient machine or graphic-capable computer and still were interested in masturbation then they'd be browsing the alt.sex.lesbian.perversion usenet for a look at the free nudies. The only reason I looked at this page is to find out if you found your natural level, Judas Knapp. Seems you that did. Now that you don't have anything to plagiarize or have somebody else write for you I don't doubt that not very many people want to read your output. Can't blame them. Solipsists can't stand to hear the whinings of other solipsists. It seems that after you thought up the title of your WWW page that initial spurt meant that you had finally shot your wad. Now that is it. Four or forty of you does not matter. The output still isn't worth reading. >So what is our mission? Essentially, it is to offer the southwest Missouri residents and expatriates a forum -- fora, actually -- for virtual community. If those people aren't interested in such community, we are bound to fail, no matter how good our intentions or how hard we work. If they are, then it is our responsibility to make ourselves known, offer the services that our clientele desire, and be responsive to the needs of the virtual community we're >helping to build. There are not too many people interested in visiting a virtual outhouse in a virtual slum, one on the same block as a virtual nuthouse and virtual penitentiary. All the traffic much like yourself is interested in is the virtual whorehouse, to be followed by a visit to the virtual revival tent to straighten out halos until the next time payday and an erection coincide. If you want Internet traffic then put up some smut and show some tits. Your present drivel isn't very interesting. >TELL US WHAT YOU WANT! The four people actively involved in this >project are not paid. They do this on their own time and out of their own limited funds. The only incentive they can possibly receive is your appreciation and participation. GOB has managed, so far, to offer its services free of charge and of course will continue to do so. We've managed this with the help of other >entities on the Internet -- notably Geocities, the Dalnet chat >network, and Coollist. All offering free WWW pages and chat and guestbooks. And these fraudulent shitheads want to con the gullible that they are out something valuable other than shithead drivel. Well, if they are going to run a virtual public outhouse on the MisInformation Stuporhighway then they might as well take a lesson from Pubic TV other than in the instigation of gliberal guilt psychosis. Offer prizes in return for hyperlink hits. Those of you who can feign at least FIVE minutes attention will receive a used styrofoam Big Mac container, genuine detritus scrounged outside this scruffy-looking public outhouse on the MisInformation Blooper-highway. And for those masochistic feebs who can feign a TEN-WHOLE-MINUTE attention span, or LibberToonian candidates for Congress from the Missouri 4th Congressional District who receive crazy checks from the Missouri Mental Health Department, they get a dot-matrix printout of all three issues of the GOB, autographed with an ink made up of lamp-black from carbonized reefer ash and the wretched droolings and dribblings from the witless & amoral authors. >The Greater Ozarks Bastinado is a resource waiting to be used. Now that I think about it, you are absolutely right. I need to take a dump at this virtual outhouse. Open wide, Judas Knapp. Looks pretty scruffy . . . Good thing I brought my own paper . . . I think I'll step up onto the seat and squat with my feet on the lid . . . No telling what you might get if you actually plopped down on the seat . . . Look at the scribblings on the wall, looks like the homos think this place is an escort service . . . Well, finally done now . . . Think I'll leave the place as I found it . . . That means pissing on the seat . . . Just doing my part to promote water sports for the faggots at the tryouts for the next homo olympics. >It has never been our intent to limit our publication to articles >composed by our editors -- indeed, the editors have put themselves out to write because you haven't. Our mailing lists were conceived as an extension of the newsgroups on the "Freenets" and as a potential replacement when it looked like those newsgroups might be discontinued. The IRC channel was intended to allow users to get around the limited time allowed by the "Freenets" in their IRC venues. All of the fora were formulated >to maximize the possibilities for users to reach beyond their >own communities and into a wider Ozarks. It might very well be better to write some witless drool as opposed to reading it. However, it might very well be easier to just bypass this place altogether. >If GOB fails -- and it gives every indication of doing so, in that participation in its offerings is virtually nil -- then I won't really be able to consider it a personal failure on the >part of those who have worked to build it. Isn't it a good thing that most people will have never read this lone moan as to the cruelty of indifference of the SWMo Internet community? Good-bye cruel world! I'll finish myself off because nobody listened to me. One last whine on the never-ending path of least resistance towards alienation nirvana. > We've tried. If you can tell us what we're doing that doesn't work for you, we'll make every effort to fix it. If you can name a service that we're not providing and that there is a call for, we'll see if it's possible and make every effort to offer it. Curent ideas from the editors include "Bastinado Breakfasts" or other social events in the area, a working group to suggest improvements both in GOB and to the "Freenets" we're attempting to serve, and watchdog work to protect Ozarkians' access to, and freedom on, >the Internet. Sob. Maybe one last more moan. He really means it. He's about to jump! >What's your idea? Talk to us at bastinado@usa.net. Shit. Not gonna jump after all. Tell you what, Judas Knapp. I'll put up a link on my WWW page. I'll call it a scruffy outhouse on the MisInformation Stupor-Highway and tell the Netcruisers and Internet Explorers to treat it as such. --Martin Lindstedt Libertarian Candidate, u.S. Senate. http://www.mo-net.com/~mlindste/ass-kick.html |Return to the Main Page|.