Homily and Prophecy

by Jim Floyd


. . . . . Someone from this generation will write a book and pack it full of insults, invectives, imprecations and incivilities.

. . . . . I pray God will let me be in that book, because I've earned a place of primacy, first rank and file status, in any book that cusses, denigrates, gutter-snipes, muckrakes, or otherwise exposes these scabrous hypocrites who call themselves our leaders.

. . . . . Thank you all for letting me put into words what you feel in yo heart of hearts. I know how you feel when President Bush talks about the state of this nations' economy. Let me say it for you and let us hope, together, that it will find its way into every book written about Bush and his falsely so-called 'conservative' administration.

Words of Knowledge about the Convention, debates, budget:

. . . . . Some of you complained when George flew to that Navy carrier. I did not. Perhaps I understood better than any of you that he wanted to be near servicemen with whom he had something in common. What commonality? Why, drunken sailors, of course; George Bush spends like the preverbal drunk sailor!

"George Bush is about as frugal with this nations' money
as his drunk, strumpet daughters were with their virginity."
Master Prophet James Floyd, On the Bush deficit, 2004

. . . . . Of course, the above graceless, vulgar statement is not meant for my generation. The tomato juice drinking, prostate plagued, generation to which I belong will not pay these bills. This war is being fought on credit with money coming from China, Japan, and the Social Security Fund and like all debt it must be repaid.

. . . . . Think about indentured servitude, and take a hard look at your grandchildren, because they are and will be the most indebted generation in world history. Our children are born into this country owing between forty and fifty thousand dollars and from their first breath until their last they will be paying for our insanities.

The Fifth Horse

. . . . . Precious Saints, the argument given by Bush and his masters concerning our economy is not some unfathomable, dialectical mystery. No, it is barnyard simple. I call it Doo-Doo-Dialectics;

. . . . . Feed the horse ample oats and some will pass through whole and fall to the roadway for the lesser animals.

. . . . . Doo-doo economics, trickle-down economics, a rose by any other name, it is still the illogical idea that if we give to the rich, follow close behind the horse, work hard, work hard, work hard digging in the droppings, and not give up, by God, we too can share in the American dream! Thank heaven, for the generosity of the wealthy!

. . . . . Every time I hear the trickle-down crap, I think of those Indian casinos in Mississippi that swear they give back ninety-eight percent of what you put in their slot machines.


. . . . . Duplicitous Dick, Deferment Dick, Dick Cheney, the darling of the Christian Right which has embraced him, but verily I say unto you that Dick Cheney, the Howard Stern of Capital Hill, is a wild ass kicking at the traces and won't stay hitched.

Prophet to Mary Cheney:

. . . . . Stand up sweet Mary. You have been persecuted, talked about, and belittled. You and your wife, Heather, suffered mightily when yo daddy refused to let you stand with him on the podium at the GOP convention. But I say unto you that yo daddy loves you more than he loves Jerry Falwell and his crowd. It's all a ruse, a game; he had to feign respect for these radical clerics. Be of good cheer, the play-acting will cease when the election is over, maybe even before. Soon, very soon, yo daddy will tell Falwell, Robertson, and the others the same thing he told Senator Patrick J. Leahy, on the floor of the Senate, "F--k off."

. . . . . I must digress. I feel that some of you have doubts about my credentials as a prophet. Someone is saying that I'm no Benny Hinn, well, you are correct and I'm glad that I'm not little Benny. Here is what he said about homosexuals:

Orlando Christian Center, Dec. 31st, 1989.

"The Lord also tells me to tell you in the mid 90's, about '94-'95, no later than that, God will destroy the homosexual community of America. [Audience applauds] But He will not destroy it -- with what many minds have thought Him to be, He will destroy it with fire. And many will turn and be saved, and many will rebel and be destroyed."

Benny Hinn

. . . . . So there, Benny, the highest paid preacher/prophet in the history of Christendom, was wrong and I've always been right. Every sermon has been true and on target. And I keep on preaching because; it's about theocracy, stupid!


. . . . . Kerry, you gigoloing son of a bitch, you ain't got a chance in heaven or hell of winning this election!

. . . . . I just learned that Ariel Sharon supports George Bush for president. So, we have the rotund TV preachers like Hog-Jaw Hagee saying that "God elected Bush," and that Miss Cleo imitator, Rev. Pat Robertson saying that God told him, "Bush will win this election," now Sharon throws his considerable weight behind Bush, by God, it's over!

. . . . . God and the Devil, both of'um, is for Bush? Alack, alack, the last time God and Satan got together, in agreement, is recorded in the book of Job, and it ain't a pretty story! Brothers and Sisters, slap somebody close to you and tell them, when heaven and hell get together things always gets really bad before they gets better!

. . . . . Damn it, double-dog-damn-it, this is an awful article/sermon! But I know where to lay the blame. I got caught-up into listening to these so-called debates and the follow-up questions of who won or who lost.

. . . . . Who won? Who lost? We all know who lost, don't we? I know that I lost. I lost, at the least, ten points off me I.Q.

. . . . . Be ashamed, America, be really embarrassed. These so-called debates allowed the world to look upon the nakedness of our president, vice president and the equally nude aspirants who are trying to oust them.

. . . . . The American empire has no clothes. Yea and verily, they wallowed in the gutter of childish deception, all the while adding prodigiously to its putrid flow of unintelligible septic.

. . . . . Are these our brightest and best? God have mercy on us all, amen.

Bishop Jimmy
Master Prophet

. . . . . P.S. I have just been told to tell you the truth about Ann Coulter. He that hath an ear let him hear. This gaunt harridan is in fact Ariel Sharon in drag.



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