Para Some of you have called here, or written asking what I want for Christmas. Well, what I want is probably beyond your means..
Can you get me a name-list of J-ws who laid-off work, from the Twin Towers, on 9/11?Can you send me a tape recording of G-d telling George W. to invade Iraq? Can you promise me that this next year I will read a lengthy obituary page which includes most of our TV preachers, all our politicians, and more importantly, their patron saint, Ariel Sharon? May Jesus, Blessed be He, remove this filth from the community of humankind.
Para My number one wish is to wake-up, Christmas morning, and find Jerry Falwell, Gary Bauer, John 'Hog Jaw' Hagee, and Pat Robertson in my front yard singing 'Oh Little Town of Bethlehem,' and with no witnesses around; can you arrange that? Oh yes! They were so supportive when their beastly little J-w friends shot the place up. Now, without pause they open their hymnbooks and sing about hopes, dreams, and everlasting light. Come on to my house; to my house come on!
Para This next series of articles will be my Christmas gift to you. I will tell you everything you always wanted to know about Christian-Kabbalists but had no one to ask.
ParaIn preparation for these essays I have tried to straighten-out my life. I've stop selling my body, cussing the TV in Ebonics, and gone back to preaching. One of the most evident changes has been in my feelings, or lack of feelings, for the Rev. Jesse Jackson. I now find meself loving this man as much as his biological father loved him.
ParaHappy Holy Day and a Merry Christ Mass to you all.
+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+_+ The Miracle of Stupidity
Para Help me Jesus, Blessed be He, to wrap our ecclesiastical pain in humor, as is my wont, and use the spiritual gifts of logic and reason that you have given us all. Amen.
Para You think that I have been idle, don't you? You think I've been just sitting around doing nothing. Well, I have not! I am happy to announce that I have invented a very special product. A product which will help neo-Pentecostal, television preachers be more professional in their work.
Para I call it 'the Benny Hinn robe.' I have taken a plain choir robe and installed air bags in it. These air bags allow people to fall-out, fall-down, be slain in the spirit without any fear of being hurt.
Para It's a money saver because Benny and others will no longer need trained catchers. This robe not only cushions the fall but will bounce the befuddled believers right back up onto their feet.
ParaI've always said, to my detriment, that it would be far more impressive if the spirit picked people up rather than just knocking them down. My new robe may be part of the answer.
Para Is gravity a miracle? What makes otherwise intelligent people drive hundreds of miles to watch other people fall down? Can little Benny with a simple wave of his arms knock an entire choir down and the first three rows of his audience?
Para We need Brother Benny in Baghdad. We do not need to kill any more Iraqi women and children, no, no, what we need to do is strap Benny's butt on the top of a tank and have a spirit-drive-by slaying!
Para Isn't it strange that in the Bible all the good guys fell forward, on their faces, and all the bad guys fell backward? (see Strong's under 'fell')
Para Will I go to hell for blaspheming Benny Hinn? I've thought about that and my first thought was that maybe hell won't be so bad after all, because all the best preachers will be there, and most of the best singers!
Para We Americans don't like plain vanilla preachers, any more. We love B-grade actors and actresses and wanna-be stand-up comedians. The nations' pulpits and airways are full of them. Our ridiculously high paid preachers know that they must perform, and that performance can not be plain vanilla.
Para Contrariwise, it may be that God will be disappointed in me, and some of you, if we don't condemn these false prophets.
Para So, how do I know that these television preachers such as Benny Hinn, Pat Robertson, Leroy Jenkins, Jerry Falwell, John Hagee, Bill O'Reilly (oops!), and ten thousand other cleric criminals are false prophets? Believe me, dear hearts, it is easier than you think. Their own words condemn them.
Para I know Pentecostalism inside and out, from the Welsh Revival, to Charles Parham, to rural North Georgia, to its cotton mill roots, to Azusa Street, and on to its present-day, multinational, big-dollar standing as an entertainment enterprise.
Para Christianity has been hijacked, raped of its dignity, and mass-marketed. They are telemarketing a product steeped in besotted ignorance to the besotted ignorant. "G-d is using me," scream these charlatans! No, no, they are using G-d, misusing G-d.
Para Hold it! Those of you who think that the tune 'Green Sleeves' is a Christmas tune and have never questioned how the lady's sleeves got green, perhaps you should read no further. Shalom and Merry Hanukah.
Para I will now share my many secret ways of discernment.
Para I've seen Benny Hinn do it. I've seen that Niger, Doctor, Prophetess, Juanita Bryan do it and many others. And always with much shouting, talking in tongues, and flamboyant fanfare, they take off their coat or place a J-w prayer shawl over another person and anoint them with 'A DOUBLE PORTION' of the spirit.
Para Do you know how much a 'double portion' is? Well, I hate to tell you this but a double portion is not twice-as-much. In the Bible, in oriental history, a double portion is two thirds. It is double the one third which the second son inherits. The first born son got two thirds of everything the father owned. See Deuteronomy 21:15-17 The first-born is the primogeniture and his birthright is two thirds.
Para Now, look at 2 Kings 9, Elisha asked Elijah for a 'double portion' of his spirit, the spirit of Elijah. Listen to the wording. Verse 3, sons of the prophets, verse 5 ditto, verse 7 ditto, and then in verse 12 Elisha calls Elijah "my father, my father." Elisha was asking for what he considered to be his birthright, his inheritance, his 2/3s blessing.
Para So, why have I kept this secret, all these years? I reasoned that if these clowns gave their cronies 2/3s of whatever they had and then those so anointed gave 2/3s to the next enthusiast, well, you do the math. Two thirds, (or .666) of a whole (1.00), is two thirds, but two thirds of two thirds is only .444 %, then 2/3s of .444 % is .296 %, then .225 % and so on. Which meant that, in a very short time, they would have nothing to give anybody, and nobody could get what ever it was that they were giving away?
Para Ah! Benny Hinn messed-up my figuring by getting a 'double portion' from two sources. He first said his anointing came from Kathryn Kuhlman which he received after visiting her grave. He talked to this dead person, and even stranger, she talked to him. Then he said the following;
"I was in prayer one day and a man appeared in front of me. It happened for two days in a row . . . . He was about six feet two. Old man. Had a . . . Glistening white beard. . . . Eyes - crystal blue. He had on a white garment, . . . . On his head was a like a shawl - like a - like a like a covering . . . . every part of him glistened like crystal. . . . .Now, I know you may think I've lost my mind, but the Lord said, "Elijah, the prophet." You know, when that happened? That happened days before the anointing on my life doubled." (HONOLULU CRUSADE Feb. 28, 1997)Para Holy low swinging chariots! No wonder Benny is the highest paid preacher in the history of religion! So, he is talking about getting a 'double portion' from a dead woman preacher and another from the great Elijah.
Para Is he evil because he doesn't know that a double portion is only two thirds? No! He is evil because he said that the Holy Ghost or G-d talked to him yet failed to tell him of this error.
Para If I know -- me -- a back-woods simpleton, living on a dirt road in Alabama, if I know, surely, the Holy Ghost knows, and would stop this idiot from praying for and bragging about a two thirds blessing as though it represented twice as much.
Para Yes! I'm very angry with this fake, this Khazar J-w Kabbalist, because of the money, the necromancy, and his claims to special powers. But most of all, I am mad at meself! I should be in jail for terrorism against these people and their synagogues of Satan.
Para Fasten your sanctified seat belts, and journey with me on this odyssey into the bowels of the Kabbalah, Pentecostal, heresy.
Para Read it, read it, study it, because these are forbidden to you. Help us Jesus, Blessed be He, to read everything we ain't supposed to, twice.
Freud, Jung, and Hinn;
Para Carl G. Jung was born near Basel, son of Rev. Paul Jung. His mother's father was a Old Testament scholar who regularly spoke to spirits; his mother's mother would fall into trances and wake up babbling prophecies. By 19 Jung was convinced that there was an ancient personality in himself, somehow connected with the ancestors, the dead, and spiritual mysteries (TAC, 24). At 20, shortly after starting medical school Jung and a circle of female relatives met secretly to contact the spirit world, and what happened, with Jung's cousin Hellie Preiswerk acting as a medium, confirmed Jung's feeling view that it was possible to contact the spirits of the dead.
Freud, Vienna, B'nai B'rith, 1910;
Para Most of you are Jews and therefore you are incompetent to win friends for the new teachings. Jews must be content with a modest role of preparing the ground . . . . the Swiss will save us, will save me, will save you as well, Jung.
Jung to Freud;
Para In a letter to Freud: "I think we must give [psychoanalysis] time to infiltrate into people from many centers, to revivify among intellectuals a feeling for symbol and myth, ever so gently to transform Christ back into the soothsaying god of the vine, and in this way absorb those ecstatic instinctual forces of Christianity for the one purpose of making the cult and the sacred myth what they once were -- a drunken feast of joy where man regained the ethos and holiness of an animal."
Para Benny Hinn, last week, touched a hundred people saying "fire on you" or "the anointing" and they fell backwards. They shivered, shook, hunched, laughed, cried, talked in tongues at his command, and moved ever closer to Jung's ideal vision of a Freudian Kabbalic revival.
Para Meanwhile, across the ocean, another pastor's wife testified of having a "Holy orgasm" ever Sunday. Where are we going? Stay tuned.
End of part one.
Doctor, Bishop, Prophet, James Floyd
Doctor to Bishops and Prophets
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